Dear Princess Leia Organa,
Recently, whilst carrying out my normal duties in a corridor in the rebel base on the ice-world of Hoth, I ventured past the medical bay, from the door of which I was astonished and very hurt to hear you refer to Captain Solo as a nerf herder, as though it were a derogatory term.
Of all people I would have expected you to understand the pain and suffering brought to all the natives of Alderaan after it's destruction by the Death Star. As you know, I was fortunate enough to be attending a convention of the Sherpherds, Herdsmen and Miscellaneous Herders Union on Corellia when Alderaan exploded, taking with it my family, friends and the reasonably-sized herd of nerfs that comprised my livelihood. Since then I have been determined to hurt the Empire in the best way I can, using my skills to ensure that all of the Tauntauns don't escape and run through all of the corridors.
While I realise that as a princess you may consider yourself a little above nerf herders in social circles, I would appreciate a little bit of professional respect and even basic courtesy. Would that hurt?
But no. Instead, as well as living every day with the crushing weight of guilt and humiliation that the empire has forced upon me, I have to endure my profession being put down, insulted, and treated like dirt. Geez, you really make me sick. I bet you're not even going to read this. I bet you just see it and walk away. Well fine! Walk away! Go on, beyotch! You just go and SIT IN YOUR TOWER, YOU STUCK UP PIECE OF SITH! SIT IN YOUR TOWER AND BE A LITTLE PRINCESS AND DREAM OF LUKE SKYWALKER LYING NAKED NEXT TO YOU AND LAUGHING AND SAYING HOW GREAT IT IS TO BE A PRINCESS AND NEVER HAVE TO LOOK AFTER STUPID SMELLY FRICKIN' TAUNTAUNS AND HAVE TO CLEAN UP AFTER THEM AND...
I've said too much. You get my point.
Yours,
Kwango Dejilsic
Tauntaun Wrangler
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