Simon and Garfunkel were the luckiest pop-folk crossover band in the world, for they owned a time travelling Volkswagen Kombi. Every night they would begin their set at a café in The Village and then, once everyone was asleep, they would jump into the kombi, set a course for the past (or future) and become…
THE TIME DETECTIVES!
No sooner had they uttered the words than they became aware of several gaudily dressed youths around the edges of the forum. They were The Beach Boys, the most highly paid musical assassins this world has ever known. Each of them carried both a sword and nunchucks, and the trio of folk-singers knew that each was quite proficient in the arts of eastern combat.
“Give it up, hippies,” cried Dennis Wilson, “and we might let you go home in one piece.”
The other Beach Boys sniggered in a way that made everyone uncomfortable.
But the Beach singing sensations and cold blooded killers hadn’t reckoned with the legendary Garfunkel pluck.
“You’re kidding!” the tall, curly-haired folkster spat back, “do you think we’d just let you assassinate Julius Caesar and get away with it?”
The Beach Bows chuckled, hefted their swords, began trirling their nunckucks and moved in for the kill. Dennis Wilson said, “It’s not as if you’ve got a lot of choice in the matter now, is it?”
“Yes!” cried Joni Mitchell unexpectedly, “it is!”
At that she dropped to her knees as her time-travelling tiger, set to ‘defend’ leaped over her stooped shoulders and cannoned into the first Beach boy, tearing out his jugular while it knocked another Beach Boy’s head clean off with one swipe of it’s mighty paw. The other Beach Boys clustered around to attack, but to no avail. The tiger’s skin had been reinforced with a loose carbon-molybdenium weave and was impervious to swords, nunchucks and the close-harmony singing to which the doomed supergroup eventually resorted. Within 30 seconds the last Beach Boy was down and the tiger stood motionless, the remains of Dennis Wilson’s face staining the fur beneath its chin.
“Phew,” chuckled Simon, “that was close!”
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