Today my iPod lists a new genre of music: Viking Rock. I was previously unaware of this genre, having only made it up this afternoon. However, once I had made it up I discovered that there were several examples of it which had been extant since the early 1970s.
Viking Rock is just as it sounds: rock music by, for, or mainly concerning Vikings: those Scandinavian sea-pillagers of yore. Actually when I think about it they weren't really sea pillagers as they only pillaged land. Perhaps I should say via-sea pillagers just to take the curse off it.
Anyway, rather than bore you with etymology, as fascinating as it is to me and the International Society of Pedants, here are some sterling examples of Viking Rock:
'Immigrant Song', Led Zeppelin
'Cold Wind To Valhalla', Jethro Tull
'Lady In Black', Uriah Heep
Everything ever written, performed or recorded by 'Saxon'.
Thursday, July 30, 2009
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Doctor What and the Pot Noodles, by Terrance’s Dick.
“Sir! Sir!” The young UNIT soldier came crashing through the door.
Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart looked up from some random paperwork on his big important desk and ruffled his otherwise-impeccable moustache. “What is it man?”
“Brigadier, sir, you asked to be told instantly the moment that anything strange happened,” the young soldier answered.
“Yes, I remember,” mused Lethbridge-Stewart, “Well, what of it?”
“Sir,” continued the soldier, “there’s…there’s…there’s Pot Noodles™ in the vending machine.”
The Brigadier had seen many things in his time but at this his blood ran cold. “Great Scott!” he cried, “Has anyone told The Doctor?”
“No sir,” said the soldier, “I thought it best to come straight to you.”
“Good man,” agreed the Brigadier, “but I expect he’ll want to know immediately. Come on.” Pausing only to grab his special Brigadier’s hat he swept out of the office and into Unit HQ.
Looking for all the world like an old police box, the familiar shape of the TARDIS stood in the corner of UNIT’s main Hangar One, where it had stood more or less ever since the Doctor’s enforced sojourn on Earth had begun. Stepping forward the Brigadier rapped smartly on the door.
It was answered by a complete stranger who for all the world appeared to be Peter Cushing. “Can I help you?” he asked the Brigadier.
“Who the heck are you, and where is the Doctor?” demanded Lethbridge-Stewart.
“He’s on holiday,” replied the Peter Cushing lookalike in a pleasant tone, “I’m a locum. My name is Doctor What.”
“What?”
“Yes,” beamed the Doctor, “That’s right.”
Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart hadn’t risen through the ranks to command the finest UN-based anti-alien brigade in the BBC by being slow on the uptake. “Holiday, eh?”
“Yes. Skegness, I think. Or Weng Chiang’s house. One of the two. Now, did you want anything in particular? Lethbridge-Stewart, isn’t it?”
The Brigadier would have been pleased that his reputation preceeded him had he not caught this new Doctor peeking at a “Jane’s All The World’s Moustaches” behind the TARDIS door.
“That’s right,” he replied, “and I’m here on official business. Something strange has cropped up and we thought you should know about it. Something in this very base.”
“Hmm.” The Doctor frowned, “You’d better show me.” As he stepped out of the TARDIS the Brigadier could not help but notice that he was followed by what appeared to be a robotic duck.
“What is that?” he asked coldly.
“That is Quark,” replied the Doctor, “Is there a problem?”
The Brigadier frowned. “The other one usually has a dog.”
“I know. I wanted that but he was ahead of me in the line. I got old Quark here, and a jolly fine robotic duck he’s turned out to be I must say.”
The Brigadier mulled this over. “Quite,” he said, “Maybe I could borrow him someday?”
“I don’t know that I could spare all of him,” the Doctor frowned, “but I could always send you the bill.”
On this note it was decided that time was a-wasting and that the world in general would be better served if they went and had a look at the vending machine.
“Hmm,” said the Doctor in a tone that didn’t really inspire confidence, “yes, I see what you mean. Very mysterious.”
“It certainly is,” agreed the Brigadier, “Pot Noodles don’t belong in a vending machine! Good god, this isn’t Japan for heaven’s sake!”
There was a longish pause.
“Well?” asked the Brigadier.
“Well what?”
“What do you think it is?”
The Doctor looked a bit blank. “Oh,” he said, “Um, well, could be anything really.”
Behind his back the Brigadier felt his hands clench. “Would you care to take a guess anyway?” he said through gritted teeth.
The Doctor appeared to pick up on the way the wind was blowing. “Right,” he told the Brigadier, “Well, let’s see. It could be…I don’t know…the Zarbi?”
The Brigadiergot the distinct impression that this had just been pulled straight out of the Doctor’s arse.
“The Zarbi,” he said flatly.
“Yes,” replied the Doctor, beaming absently, “classic Zarbi behaviour, that.”
“The Zarbi,” repeated the Brigadier, “a peaceful insectoid race who live in the caves of their homeplanet Vortis, who are largely non-technological and have never developed space and/or time travel.”
“Yes.” The Doctor looked a bit uncomfortable, “they’re the ones.”
The Brigadier sighed. “Look, why don’t you pop back to the TARDIS and catch up on some reading,” he told the Doctor, “I think we’ll handle this one from here.”
Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart looked up from some random paperwork on his big important desk and ruffled his otherwise-impeccable moustache. “What is it man?”
“Brigadier, sir, you asked to be told instantly the moment that anything strange happened,” the young soldier answered.
“Yes, I remember,” mused Lethbridge-Stewart, “Well, what of it?”
“Sir,” continued the soldier, “there’s…there’s…there’s Pot Noodles™ in the vending machine.”
The Brigadier had seen many things in his time but at this his blood ran cold. “Great Scott!” he cried, “Has anyone told The Doctor?”
“No sir,” said the soldier, “I thought it best to come straight to you.”
“Good man,” agreed the Brigadier, “but I expect he’ll want to know immediately. Come on.” Pausing only to grab his special Brigadier’s hat he swept out of the office and into Unit HQ.
Looking for all the world like an old police box, the familiar shape of the TARDIS stood in the corner of UNIT’s main Hangar One, where it had stood more or less ever since the Doctor’s enforced sojourn on Earth had begun. Stepping forward the Brigadier rapped smartly on the door.
It was answered by a complete stranger who for all the world appeared to be Peter Cushing. “Can I help you?” he asked the Brigadier.
“Who the heck are you, and where is the Doctor?” demanded Lethbridge-Stewart.
“He’s on holiday,” replied the Peter Cushing lookalike in a pleasant tone, “I’m a locum. My name is Doctor What.”
“What?”
“Yes,” beamed the Doctor, “That’s right.”
Brigadier Lethbridge-Stewart hadn’t risen through the ranks to command the finest UN-based anti-alien brigade in the BBC by being slow on the uptake. “Holiday, eh?”
“Yes. Skegness, I think. Or Weng Chiang’s house. One of the two. Now, did you want anything in particular? Lethbridge-Stewart, isn’t it?”
The Brigadier would have been pleased that his reputation preceeded him had he not caught this new Doctor peeking at a “Jane’s All The World’s Moustaches” behind the TARDIS door.
“That’s right,” he replied, “and I’m here on official business. Something strange has cropped up and we thought you should know about it. Something in this very base.”
“Hmm.” The Doctor frowned, “You’d better show me.” As he stepped out of the TARDIS the Brigadier could not help but notice that he was followed by what appeared to be a robotic duck.
“What is that?” he asked coldly.
“That is Quark,” replied the Doctor, “Is there a problem?”
The Brigadier frowned. “The other one usually has a dog.”
“I know. I wanted that but he was ahead of me in the line. I got old Quark here, and a jolly fine robotic duck he’s turned out to be I must say.”
The Brigadier mulled this over. “Quite,” he said, “Maybe I could borrow him someday?”
“I don’t know that I could spare all of him,” the Doctor frowned, “but I could always send you the bill.”
On this note it was decided that time was a-wasting and that the world in general would be better served if they went and had a look at the vending machine.
“Hmm,” said the Doctor in a tone that didn’t really inspire confidence, “yes, I see what you mean. Very mysterious.”
“It certainly is,” agreed the Brigadier, “Pot Noodles don’t belong in a vending machine! Good god, this isn’t Japan for heaven’s sake!”
There was a longish pause.
“Well?” asked the Brigadier.
“Well what?”
“What do you think it is?”
The Doctor looked a bit blank. “Oh,” he said, “Um, well, could be anything really.”
Behind his back the Brigadier felt his hands clench. “Would you care to take a guess anyway?” he said through gritted teeth.
The Doctor appeared to pick up on the way the wind was blowing. “Right,” he told the Brigadier, “Well, let’s see. It could be…I don’t know…the Zarbi?”
The Brigadiergot the distinct impression that this had just been pulled straight out of the Doctor’s arse.
“The Zarbi,” he said flatly.
“Yes,” replied the Doctor, beaming absently, “classic Zarbi behaviour, that.”
“The Zarbi,” repeated the Brigadier, “a peaceful insectoid race who live in the caves of their homeplanet Vortis, who are largely non-technological and have never developed space and/or time travel.”
“Yes.” The Doctor looked a bit uncomfortable, “they’re the ones.”
The Brigadier sighed. “Look, why don’t you pop back to the TARDIS and catch up on some reading,” he told the Doctor, “I think we’ll handle this one from here.”
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Random Doobings
"So what i'm wondering," said Captain Doobie to his doctor, "is whether it would be possible to drink a VB with a VC and catch VD whilst driving a VE."
The doctor considered this. "It's certainly possible," he said, adjusting his glasses, "just not very likely."
The doctor considered this. "It's certainly possible," he said, adjusting his glasses, "just not very likely."
Friday, July 03, 2009
My Footwear Takes An Unexpected Turn
I am aggrieved to report that despite their strong start the Rivers Chuck knockoffs have lasted but a scant month before developing the old enemy, a tear in the fabric where it meets the rubber strip at the ankle. I don't know why this plagues chuck knockoffs but not chucks themselves. I get the feeling that even without this their days would have been numbed. Their soles were wearing at a prodigious rate, faster than any other knockoff i've worn, and I think that the sole would have worn through in another couple of days regardless. This was a pity as they were certainly the most comfortable of the knockoffs i've worn, and the closest in feel to actual Chucks yet.
Having now exhausted all of the chuck knockoffs on the market I was going to declare the investigation closed and buy the pair of Harlem Globetrotter-branded Chucks that i've been hankering, but I decided to give the other type of Rivers chuck another try. Regular readers will remember that I picked a red pair of these up the day before I went to Melbourne for the Grand Prix and go so disgusted by them that I threw them out and bought other shoes after three days. I decided to give them another go, mainly due to the fact that the three days was a period of abnormal usage (I was constantly on my feet) and that I could have made them more comfortable by putting some insoloes in them. I didn't test them until they broke, so here I go again. Also, the first pair were made out of a horrible type of stiff polyester-style material which didn't breath. My new ones are made of good old cotton, but are in every other way identical to the ill-fated pair of Grands Prix gone by. theyre black, and the best way to describe them would be that theyre what chucks would look like of a 5-year old drew them in crayon. They're wider than normal but stubbier, almost squared off at the toes. They are also the only chuck knockoff to deviate from the normal production pattern. Normal chucks are, as you may know, made of a sole, a canvas upper, a rubber toe and a strip of rubber around the circumference of the sole which holds it all tobether. The new Rivers chucks comprise of canvas uppers enclosed within *one single piece of extruded rubber*!!!! This piece is the sole, toecap and sidestrip combined. It is designed to still look just like a normal chuck. What advantages or disadvantages will this novel method of contruction bring? Only time will tell. They feel quite sturdy, but it's early days yet.
Having now exhausted all of the chuck knockoffs on the market I was going to declare the investigation closed and buy the pair of Harlem Globetrotter-branded Chucks that i've been hankering, but I decided to give the other type of Rivers chuck another try. Regular readers will remember that I picked a red pair of these up the day before I went to Melbourne for the Grand Prix and go so disgusted by them that I threw them out and bought other shoes after three days. I decided to give them another go, mainly due to the fact that the three days was a period of abnormal usage (I was constantly on my feet) and that I could have made them more comfortable by putting some insoloes in them. I didn't test them until they broke, so here I go again. Also, the first pair were made out of a horrible type of stiff polyester-style material which didn't breath. My new ones are made of good old cotton, but are in every other way identical to the ill-fated pair of Grands Prix gone by. theyre black, and the best way to describe them would be that theyre what chucks would look like of a 5-year old drew them in crayon. They're wider than normal but stubbier, almost squared off at the toes. They are also the only chuck knockoff to deviate from the normal production pattern. Normal chucks are, as you may know, made of a sole, a canvas upper, a rubber toe and a strip of rubber around the circumference of the sole which holds it all tobether. The new Rivers chucks comprise of canvas uppers enclosed within *one single piece of extruded rubber*!!!! This piece is the sole, toecap and sidestrip combined. It is designed to still look just like a normal chuck. What advantages or disadvantages will this novel method of contruction bring? Only time will tell. They feel quite sturdy, but it's early days yet.
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