...and as Luke stood by his father's funeral pyre, the noise of the Ewok celebrations close by, Han and Leia joined him and led him back to the party, and they all lived happily ever after.
The End...
...except for the Ssi-ruuk invasion, Prince Isolder, the Black Fleet Crisis, Grand Admiral Thrawn, Kyp Durron and the Sun Crusher, Joruus C'Baoth, Admiral Daala, the death of Anakin Solo, the Darksaber Incident, Mara Jade, the Yuuzhan Vong invasion, Jacen Solo becoming Darth Caedus, the Second Galactic Civil War, and the next exciting chapter set 40 years ABY concerning YET ANOTHER fucking 'crisis that shakes the galaxy to it's core', ad infinitum.
There, fixed that for George.
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Fun With Words!
Car Names That Are Palindromes.
1.
Car Names That Would Be Palindromes If It Wasn't For One Miserable Bloody Letter.
1. Toyota
2. Viva
3. Tata
4. Honorable Ancestor Most Glorious Beauty Leopard (in Chinese).
1.
Car Names That Would Be Palindromes If It Wasn't For One Miserable Bloody Letter.
1. Toyota
2. Viva
3. Tata
4. Honorable Ancestor Most Glorious Beauty Leopard (in Chinese).
Thursday, February 19, 2009
New Novel Ideas
White Line Nightmares: After the apocalypse, entire population of the world are zombies, except the vampires. The vampires are starving due to lack of good eating in zombies, so fight each other over the last few remaining blood-cows (humans). Focus on hero-vampire driving through the outback in an 18-wheeler petrol tanker full of blood, ala Mad Max 2. Unsure whether autogyros will be involved at this point.
Mr Flopsy Has An Adventure: The ancient greek tale of Ulysses, retold using a group of suburban cats who get accidentally taken across town in a delivery van. Note: cats do not wear waistcoats and/or hats.
Dashed Odd People In The Earlies: In 1850's British India, Colonel and regiment anschluss a northern maharaja only to find thuggees and the cult of Kali operating on their patch. They begin to eradicate them, only to discover that the whole thing is a cover for the return of Yog Sothoth.
Mr Flopsy Has An Adventure: The ancient greek tale of Ulysses, retold using a group of suburban cats who get accidentally taken across town in a delivery van. Note: cats do not wear waistcoats and/or hats.
Dashed Odd People In The Earlies: In 1850's British India, Colonel and regiment anschluss a northern maharaja only to find thuggees and the cult of Kali operating on their patch. They begin to eradicate them, only to discover that the whole thing is a cover for the return of Yog Sothoth.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Where Did You Get That Hat?
Here on The Impertinence Of It All, I like to help out with the very latest in fashion advice, so i've decided to add a regular column wherein people may ask my advice about hats.
Dear The Impertinence Of It All,
I have recently invested in a rather smashing trilby and wish to know the correct angle to wear it at? I do not wish to appear a poltroon.
Yours,
P G Wodehouse (deceased).
Well, Plum, it just so happens that the very latest issue of 'Briar Pipe' magazine has the answer for you in the following chart*:
10 degrees; dashing
15 degrees; raffish
22 degrees; jaunty
27 degrees; rakish
Anything over 27 degrees is never to be seen. Chico Marx regularly wore his hats between 50 and 70 degrees. I think this speaks for itself.
*all angles are measured between the brim and the horizontal plane.
Dear The Impertinence Of It All,
I have recently invested in a rather smashing trilby and wish to know the correct angle to wear it at? I do not wish to appear a poltroon.
Yours,
P G Wodehouse (deceased).
Well, Plum, it just so happens that the very latest issue of 'Briar Pipe' magazine has the answer for you in the following chart*:
10 degrees; dashing
15 degrees; raffish
22 degrees; jaunty
27 degrees; rakish
Anything over 27 degrees is never to be seen. Chico Marx regularly wore his hats between 50 and 70 degrees. I think this speaks for itself.
*all angles are measured between the brim and the horizontal plane.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Local Men Get Swedish Message
ADELAIDE AIRPORT: Local identity Captain Doobie and cohort Goodtime Slim have been arrested following an incident at Ikea, at the Adelaide Airport. The pair were first charged with Behaviour Likely To Cause A Breach Of The Peace, to which was later added the charge of Resisting Arrest.
Police spokesman Superintendant Farch told assembled media that Police had first received a call from frustrated Ikea personnel. When officers attended the scene they apprehended Mr Doobie in what appeared to be a lion costume, and Mr Slim in what appeared to be a witches’ outfit, replete with broom.
The pair were said to be known to the officers attending.
According to bystander’s accounts the pair had entered the furniture store some hours earlier but had then disappeared. They were not seen again until an elderly customer, Miss Eileen Pooffe, inspected a large wardrobe whereupon the two men leapt out and attempted to force upon her an unknown substance, later discovered to be Turkish delight. The two men were then detained by store security until police arrived, whereupon they attempted to evade capture by leaping from wardrobe to wardrobe, a tactic which failed when 'Captain' Doobie's tail got spectacularly caught in some loose wainscoting.
A spokesperson for the pair, Ms O’Trousers, corroborated this version of events and stated that “They’re fluppin’ eejits, the pair of ‘em. I hope they get locked up!”
A bail hearing has been set for this afternoon.
Police spokesman Superintendant Farch told assembled media that Police had first received a call from frustrated Ikea personnel. When officers attended the scene they apprehended Mr Doobie in what appeared to be a lion costume, and Mr Slim in what appeared to be a witches’ outfit, replete with broom.
The pair were said to be known to the officers attending.
According to bystander’s accounts the pair had entered the furniture store some hours earlier but had then disappeared. They were not seen again until an elderly customer, Miss Eileen Pooffe, inspected a large wardrobe whereupon the two men leapt out and attempted to force upon her an unknown substance, later discovered to be Turkish delight. The two men were then detained by store security until police arrived, whereupon they attempted to evade capture by leaping from wardrobe to wardrobe, a tactic which failed when 'Captain' Doobie's tail got spectacularly caught in some loose wainscoting.
A spokesperson for the pair, Ms O’Trousers, corroborated this version of events and stated that “They’re fluppin’ eejits, the pair of ‘em. I hope they get locked up!”
A bail hearing has been set for this afternoon.
Friday, February 06, 2009
Copper Kettles?
As my mother is awfully fond of saying, there is little in this world which cannot be solved with a nice cup of tea. The truth of this statement has become readily obvious to me as I have slowly but surely come under the spell of the dreaded weed. I mainly drink it at work, it must be said, and recently I noticed something rather strange, almost incongruous if you will, regarding the work kettle.
The work kettle is one of those industrial-size wall-mounted urn affairs, nothing more than a white box on the wall with a spigot attached to the lower part. Its always hot and raring to go, and many a jolly decent cup of char has been brewed thereon. It was whilst brewing a thoughtful mug of formosan recently that I noticed something that had always been on the kettle, but that I had never noticed. It was one of those stickers instructing people of the number for police assistance.
I mean, really. How often do I look to the kettle during an emergency situations? For succour and solace certainly, but not whilst being chased by homocidal maniacs with chainsaws. The idea is frankly preposterous. Its a given in my life that any situation requiring tea will not require the intervention of the constabulary. I keep those facets of my life seperate, and intend to continue.
The work kettle is one of those industrial-size wall-mounted urn affairs, nothing more than a white box on the wall with a spigot attached to the lower part. Its always hot and raring to go, and many a jolly decent cup of char has been brewed thereon. It was whilst brewing a thoughtful mug of formosan recently that I noticed something that had always been on the kettle, but that I had never noticed. It was one of those stickers instructing people of the number for police assistance.
I mean, really. How often do I look to the kettle during an emergency situations? For succour and solace certainly, but not whilst being chased by homocidal maniacs with chainsaws. The idea is frankly preposterous. Its a given in my life that any situation requiring tea will not require the intervention of the constabulary. I keep those facets of my life seperate, and intend to continue.
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