On Thermal Detonators

Although it may not seem it to some, spending an entire afternoon scratchbuilding a replica thermal detonator like the one used by Leia/Boushh in Return Of The Jedi is extremely worthwhile.

Working for a company that injection moulds plastic float valves certainly does have its plusses, particularly when said float valves are either exactly the right size and shape as a thermal detonator, or are exactly the right size and shape as a Sith probe droid. The detonator was started yesterday, the probe droid will start as soon as the setonator is finished. A local junk shop has provided the myriad switches and buttons required (they just have a big tray full of old buttons and dial switches from VCRs and 1970s tape players!) and everything should be in order soon.

Some would say, of course, that there were better things I could have been doing with my time. Working on the next chapter of my new novel, for example. The Red Baron has just appeared in his capacity as Otto Skorzeny's next-door neighbour up at Hahndorf, the Professor's cat has started to talk, and the next chapter is a flashback to 16th century Ireland. The vampire Reuben tries one last time to gain control of the Shannon Stone, only to find that a coven of witches holds sway in the town and stands between him and his goal. I like the idea of two evils battling. This might get written tonight, now that i've started thinking about it. Damn.

Top Gear: Australia

Last night saw the end of the local production of Top Gear. I've been a fan of the British show for some years now and was one of the 4000 or so people who submitted a DVD audition for the new local show.

Since it began i've only missed one episode in the entire run. Most people hate it. I like it. I'll admit that it was slow to start, but it got better as the show progressed. Shows like this need time to settle in (does anyone remember the first two seasons of Top Gear with black Stig? I thought not) but most people expected TG:A to be great straight away. Then again, the most numerous arguments levelled against TG:A were:

1. They're trying too hard to be like the English show.
2. They're not enough like the English show.
You're never going to escape logic like that. You're damned if you do and damned if you don't. One of the stupidest pieces of criticism I heard was on a message board when the black Ferrari crashed into the stobie pole up at Walkerville, and one poster wondered if it was being driven by the guys from TG:A, because "they can't drive either". I guess he'd never heard of Charlie Cox's touring car career, or Steve Pizzati's job as a high-speed driving instructor...

That sort of unenlightened, boorish, ill-thought-out, knee-jerk criticism has been about the norm. Hopefully, SBS don't bother listening to it.

Star Wars: The Lost Scripts

Aboard the Tantive IV
Stormtrooper: Sir, the Death Star Planms are not in the main computer!
Darth Vader: Are you sure?
ST: Yes, sir.
DV: You've checked all the drives? What about 'My Documents'?
ST: Um...
DV: Aha! Well?
ST: There was a file under 'My Documents' labelled 'Death Star Plans', but...
DV: But what?
ST: It had no little dot-thingie at the end and when we tried to open it we just got a list of programs.
DV: What, like a list of windows things?
ST: Yep. We tried to open it as an internet document but that didn't work.
DV: So, use something else.
ST: We can't! now it just defaults to Explorer every time we try to open it.
pause
DV: Fine. Everybody out.
ST: But what about the plans?
DV: We'll reboot the ship.
ST: My lord, I...
DV: I know what i'm doing! I am more machine now than man, you know.
ST: Yes, but...
DV: No buts! Save everything then get back to the Star Destroyer.

News!

I'm actually quite excited by this news, but I don't really know why.

NASA has been orbiting Mars for some time now looking for water or evidence of past water. Taking a lead from conditions in Central Australia, they decided that the best way to find if water once flowed on Mars was to find opal. Opal is formed when water permeates silica in a low pressure environment. As there's a lot of silica on Mars and not a lot of pressure either, NASA figured that if there had been water, there would now be opal. NASA included on the latest orbiter a spectrometer that can detect opal deposits from orbit. And now they've found some!

As opal usually forms underground they haven't found a lot, only some which appears to have been uncovered by a landslide on the side of a cliff.

Still, it's official: Opals are found on another planet. They now join diamonds (found in crater edges on the moon) and moissanite (found in comets) as the only known extraterrestrial gemstones.

A Rememberance Day To Remember

NOARLUNGA: Local veterans were thrown into chaos yesterday as their annual Rememberance Day Service went horribly, horribly wrong.

Sources say that the veterans, who had hired local resident Captain Doobie to lead them in the minute's silence, were forced to stand to attention for several hours until they all got sick of it and went home. Captain Doobie remained in place for several hours more until it started to rain.

Doobie Industries and Tupperware spokesman Mr G Slim explained in a prepared statement this morning that equipment failure was to blame.

"Captain Doobie had begun to lead the veterans in the minute's silence. At approximately 11:00:45 his watch battery died. As Captain Doobie is a stickler for punctuality this meant that he could not move until the minute was finished."

Captain Doobie's watch, reported to be a Tag Heuer purchased during a trip to Prague for forty Schmeckels, was currently getting a new battery fitted as soon as one of the correct size could be flown in from the factory in Bali.

Captain Doobie was not available for comment, with some sources claiming that he was down the pub.

I Am A Tea Drinker.

After years and years of avoiding the stuff like the plague, I have started drinking tea. Not ordinary tea, mind, Formosan Green Tea.

It started last week, when I went to the health food shop to find a natural cure for this damnable indigestion which continues to plague me. There I found a herbal remedy, an INFUSION if you will, which seems to have helped. As a result, last night I bought some green tea with echinacea for it's powerful antioxidising qualities. A careful plotting of my indigestion symptoms on the calendar show that it is regularly flaring up on a monthly basis, which hints to me that it may be caused by a virus. If so, it's time that virus got the hell out of Dodge.

I was not looking forward to the first mouthful, I can tell you. I'd tried ordinary tea years ago (some of Mum's good old Lipton teabags) and hated it. I've always been a coffee man. But the green tea went down smooth. A whole new world of beverages has just opened up. I think i'm going to enjoy this.

It's All True, It Is.

A little known fact about the Melbourne Cup is that the appelation of 'The Race That Stops A Nation' is based on truth, albeit slightly distorted through the murky lens of history.

In the early years of the Colony of Victoria Governor Fitzroy was concerned about the manifold animal abuse cases which were rife throughout the environs. The car had yet to be invented and apart from the odd bicycle the horse was the preferred mode of transport for most people. Thus it was that Fitzroy decided to give all off the horses in the colony the day off. The day he chose was the first Tuesday in November. In addition to having the day off he also organised for a special penny-farthing race for the horses to watch. Horse owners from all over the colony were encouraged to bring their charges to the Flemington Field to enjoy a picnic and watch the race. On this day the industry of Victoria ground to a halt as all equine transport ceased. In the days before Federation each colony was considered a seperate country, and so began the phrase "The Race That Stops A Nation".

However by the time World War One began the days of the horse were numbered. Declining attendance numbers compounded by an acute shortage of penny-farthing parts* meant that in 1917 it was announced that the race was scrapped. Some horse owners, however, refused to accept this and  gathered at Flemington anyway, racing their horses against each other. In an ironic twist of fate this endeavour proved far more watchable for humans and the race grew and grew into the iconic tradition it is today.

*This was the Kaiser's fault.

7:15 on a Monday Morning

I don't believe it. It's 7:15 on a Monday morning, and I've been at work for 45 minutes.
I've been at work for 45 minutes because this morning I got up at 3am and watched the Brazilian Grand Prix, the final round of the world championship. Normally I don't watch Brazil as its on at such an awkward time, but there was no way I was missing this morning's race. Felipe Massa needed to win and Lewis Hamilton needed to finish 5th or worse, and Massa would win the World Championship. If Lewis finished anywhere higher than 5th, regardless of where Massa finished he would win the World Championship.

In the end it came down to the last corner of the last lap. I kid you not. Massa led the entire race, just got in front and never looked back. Hamilton on the other hand, lagged. At one point he was in 7th place, but mostly he just stayed in 5th. With 7 laps remaining it began to rain. Everyone jumped into the pits at the front but Hamilton didn't, bumping him up to third. Then, disaster! Sebastian Vettel in the Toro Rosso OVERTOOK Hamilton on the penultimate lap, putting him back in 5th place. Then, after Felipe Massa had crossed the line and the Ferrari team were celebrating the world championship, the third-placed Toyota of Timo Glock slowed almost to a halt, allowing Vettel and Hamilton to overtake him on the last corner, handing Hamilton 4th place and the World Championship.

There'll be recriminations over this. The topic will be endlessly debated for years: did Hamilton deserve the Championship? Did Glock deliberately slow his car? From where I sat it looked mighty suspicious. For the last 5 laps Glock had been running in the 1:18s, then on the last lap (with no interference from other cars and no change in the track) he ran a 1:44. He later claimed that he was struggling to drive his car in the wet.

But you know what? Whatever the way of the world, we now have a new World Champion and what's more for the first time ever he's of African descent. Formula One has never had many different races represented on the winner's podium. Winners have mainly been European, with the odd Brazilian thrown in. Now, however, Formula One can lay claim to being truly multicultural. And that can only be good.