The History Of Stuff No. 9765

Rock and Roll.

13 billion years B.C.: The Big Bang (shortly followed by the Big Bopper)
200,000B.C.: Homo Erectus er, erects himself.
4004B.C.: Cliff Richard thinks the world begins.
3000 B.C. (morning): The first primitive stringed instruments are invented.
3000B.C. (lunchtime): The opening riff of "Stairway To Heaven" is first played.
0 A.D.: Neil Young born in a manger in Bethlehem.
1604 A.D.: Birth of the modern guitar (Andalusia, Spain).
1604 A.D.: World's first groupie (Andalusia, Spain).
1605 A.D. Syphylis invented (Andalusia, Spain).
1891 A.D.: Scott Joplin's "Piano Rags" published in sheet music form.
1893 A.D.: A young man is beaten to death at a Scott Joplin recital in Alameda, California, by members of an outlaw cavalry group hired by Joplin as security.
1899 A.D.: Keith Richards born in Vladivostok, Imperial Russia.
1921 A.D.: Hyman "Screamin' Mudguts" T Spunkfelcher, an itinerant musician in Mississippi, invents the blues when he sings about his political ambitions.
1929 A.D.: The Great Depression (Leonard Cohen is born).
1932 A.D.: Screamin' Mudguts Spunkfelcher develops Parkinsons; birth of Rythym and Blues.
1948 A.D.: Carl Perkins is ignored.
1953 A.D.: Elvis Presley is invented by the Lockheed-Martin Corporation at the notorious 'Skunk Works'.
1953 A.D.: Carl Perkins now relevant.
1955 A.D.: Chuck Berry begins rocking. Everyone else gives up for a while.
1963 A.D.: The Beatles hand Chuck his arse on a plate.
1965 A.D.: Neil Young, Richie Furay, Bruce Palmer and Steven Stills form Buffalo Springfield.
1969 A.D.: Woodstock; everyone billion-year-old carbon.
1970 A.D.: Wings.
1971 A.D.: Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young.
1976 A.D.: Cliff Richard releases Devil Woman. Also records song of same name.
1976 A.D.: Neil Young releases "Harvest". World momentarily ends.
1977 A.D.: William Shatner releases "Transformed Man".
1980 A.D.: John Lennon shot by Holden Caulfield.
1980-1990 A.D.: Absolutely nothing of note happens musically.
1991 A.D.: Frente release "Accidentally Kelly Street".
1992 A.D.: Grunge is born. People just start wearing any old tat.
1993 A.D.: Neil Young releases "Harvest Moon". Kurt Cobain decides not to kill himself just yet.
1994 A.D.: Neil Young releases "Sleeps With Angels". Kurt Cobain swallows a bullet.
2000 A.D.: Birth of Pseudo-emo-alt-rock/country fused with Ska.
2003 A.D.: iPods blow everyone's minds.