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HOLDEN UNVEILS PLANS FOR ENVIRONMENTALLY-FRIENDLY COMMODORE WHILST SMIRKING

LIZABEFF: Holden chief Hyman T Spunkfelcher today unveiled plans for Australia's first 'green' Commodore by talking in vague terms about future plans but not actually saying much, and sort-of giggling. "By 2010 there will definitely be an environmentally-friendly Commodore," he chortled, "Whether it's petrol-electric, diesel-electric or just plain diesel, we can't say."

Given that at this point in a new car's development small matters like the choice of powertrain should have been long locked in, industry experts have concluded that Mr Spunkfelcher is simply talking out of his large, flabby, pasty yank arse. "We suspect he's not telling the truth," commmented Ms F Rigid, anti-car reviewer for Choice Magazine, "Perhaps if Holden want to decrease the emission signature of their sales catalogue they could drop the V8 and make a small four-cylinder vehicle instead?"

Ms Rigid's comments were greeted with a distinct lack of sobriety by Holden management. "Holden as a company is totally committed to green technology," chuckled the VP in charge of Media Deflection, whilst wiping his eyes with a tissue, "Only this week we painted all the robots a lovely emerald colour. All of them! We even used this cool lead based paint and then washed the brushes out in the dolphin tank at Seaworld."