Monday, December 28, 2009

A Trivial Pursuit

Ladies and gentlemen, please find below a hitherto unknown and unreported cornucopia of facts recently discovered behind the radiator in the original offices of the Encyclopedia Brittanica. These were uncovered during a routine tea-drainage check of the premises at Dickenspot Lane and appear to predate the original compilation of the encyclopedia in the 19th century.

Necks: The longest known neck in the animal kingdom is that of the cameleopard. The author recommends the use of .50 calibre rounds.

Speed, Aquatae: The fastest recorded mammalian (air-breathing) speed is displayed by the Capybaras rodent of the Spanish Americas. The author recommends the use of a Benchley & ffyfe breech-loading smoothbore scatter-ball rifle.

Wingspan: The largest wingspan ever recorded belongs to the Greater Southern Albatross, known to frequent the frozen wastes to the south of Van Diemen's Land. The author recommends .357 rimfire rounds in use with a repeating rifle.

Sloth: The laziest form of life in the animal kingdom is the Irishman. The author recommends use of hollow-point ammunition from .32 to .577 (service revolver) calibre.

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