Why Pirates Choose To Stop Being Pirates

1. Exorbitant cost of cutlasses.
2. Dismemberment in excess of what pirates traditionally consider excessive.
3. Finish gap year, become accountants.
4. Unable to think of doubloons without remembering that one time with Rosie in Port Royal.
5. The works of Gideon Defoe.
6. Lose hat.
7. Derision from piratical peers.
8. Join rock band.
9. Termites in pegleg.
10. Entropy.