These 'Day' Days Are Getting Out Of Hand

This week at some point (Thursday? Fuck knows) was National Are You Okay Day. For the philistinic and unenlightened, this was a day when people were encouraged to talk to their friends and loved ones to make sure they weren't about to commit suicide.

This was all terribly important and I hate to be a fly in the ointment but if you have to take time out of your day to speak to someone to see that they're not fitting a noose around their own neck at that very moment, you should probably be sharing some blame for their predicament. Call me needlessly pie-in-the-sky on this one, but wasn't your ignoring them kind-of causing this problem in the first place? In part, at least.

I don't want to brag, but i'm happy to say that I didn't receive a call from anyone. Not a fucking sausage. I assume this means that everyone thinks i'm a level-headed chap for whom self-destruction is merely a remote possibility. There's also the other option that i'm just such a forceful guy that people thought that to intervene in my suicide may well result in my killing them too and then riding their soul to hell ala Slim Pickens in Dr Strangelove. I'm pretty cool with both of these, truth be told.

Personally, I didn't ask anyone if they were ok simply because I didn't want to get any answers in the negative. It would be awkward. I mean, what would i do?

"Hey man, I just rang to see if you were ok."
"Hold on, I can't hear you with this damn noose on. What?"
"It's National Are You Ok Day, so I thought i'd give you a call."
"Oh. I see. Well, since you're asking, I was just about to kill myself."
"Wow. That's harsh."
"Yeah. So, you're gonna change my mind now, I guess, right?"
"Um, about that. I'll level with you, i'm just doing this because of some internet meme. I have no fucking idea what i'm doing."
"Right. Well, id better go. Shit to do, man."
"I really do feel obligated to lodge some form of token resistance to your plan."
"Yeah, well, noted."
"Um, right. Hey, can I have your car?"