Possible Opening Lines For The New Novel

1. The view from the outside of the submarine was difficult, as was breathing.
2. For all his exhortations of assistance, when it came to the crunch Private Bandicoot-fflipping proved remarkably reticent to 'muck in' with the live ammunition test.

3. It exploded (not much at first, only a trifle) then it exploded a bit more, until finally it went properly explody and people nearby got all caked in it.

4. As disasters went, it was not a success.
5. If only she had remembered the Polynesian lessons, none of this would have happened.
6. Alberton Ward had the kind of face one would normally expect to see attached to a recently smacked arse.
7. The sea, magestic and eternal, remained unchanged while ironically, Cliff wavered.
8. The most unfortunate thing was that he didn't even *own* an iPod, let alone one which contained information of a lewd or licencious nature.

9. It had happened again, only differently to the first time, and in exactly the same way.
10. "I didn't feel the need to expose myself to you, the nuns or to general public ridicule, thank you very much," remarked the Texan in his typically languid manner.