Dear Mr Nestle (if that is your real name),
This morning I purchased a roll of life savers, and was aghast to discover that instead of being randomly inserted, each flavour was arranged in a sub-grouping.
This, sir, is nothing but plain old-fashioned communism, and it will not stand. Not while I draw breath. Please randomise the order of your confectionery immediately, or the repercussions shall be unpleasant.
Yours,
Mr D C White, esq.
1 comment:
Sir
Whilst idly surfing the "inter-net", one of our lower tier employees (who was promptly fired for misappropriation of company time and resources) happened across your little missive, and alerted us to the same. We feel it necessary to point out a number of inaccuracies in your raving little article.
1. I am not, nor are any of our employees a member of, or ever have been, a member of the communist party. Every potential employee of Nestle is subject to a rigorous background check, and, after hire, routinely followed outside work hours. If you are going to make an allegation as serious as that, you had better be able back it up with some hard evidence. Arrangement of confectionary in a packet does not evidence of communist tendencies make.
2. My hair is real. It is NOT a toupee. How many times must I clarify that? I wish people would stop asking, God dammit!
3. My name is indeed NOT Mr Nestle.
As for your statement "not while I draw breath", that can be arranged, I can assure you of that.
Yours,
Clancy R. Quackenbush III
CEO, Nestle Inc.
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