An Open Letter to the Keepers Of Public-Houses In the Fair City of Adelaide.
Stout Yeomen,
There has been a great deal of unhappy talk recently regarding the rise of glass-related crimes within licensed venues. I humbly venture within the confines of this enblogment a solution.
A casual perusal of the crime statistics for the entire Viking era (650-980AD) shows no 'glassings' at all. This is because the Vikings, though reknowned for their drinking prowess, did not use glass at all. What did they use, I hear you ask? Something far more manly: cow horns.
As most vegetarians are wont to rabbit on about ad nauseam, cows bugger up the environment and give everyone herpes*. Thus, two birds may be killed with one stone. Lightly slay a few thousand head of prime beef, lop their horns off and use them instead of schooners. You could even use little baby horns for the poofter drinks.
*or something.
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