Random Doobings

The phone rang. Captain Doobie shambled up the hallway in his Incredible Hulk slippers and answered it.
"Hello?" he yawned into the mouthpiece.
In the War room of the Pentagon, the mood was tense as the president spoke into the speakerphone.
"Howdy," he said, "I need to speak to a Mr Goodtime Slim."
Captain Doobie yawned again and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.
"He's not here."
The President couldn't believe what was going on.
"Who is this?" he demanded.
"Captain Doobie," came the reply.
Around the war-room table there was fierce discussion as the President hit the 'mute' button. "That must be their senior military man," Condoleeza suggested.
"Ah, good thinking Condi," said the President. He unmuted the phone, "Well Captain, could I please speak with Goodtime Slim?"
"I told you he's not here. I think he's having a poo."
The president lost his temper. "Do you know who I am?" he yelled into the speakerphone.
"No," replied Captain Doobie as he hung up, "but you're obviously some sort of arsehole."