In my busy double-life as a peon in a pipe fitting factory and aspiring author, people often ask me why Captain Doobie never became Pope.
In fact, Captain Doobie wasn't allowed to be Pope by direct Centrelink order. The opinion of the Vatican was never canvassed. After being forcibly signed up to a Work For The Dole scheme by the Ice Queen, he hacked the system and changed the assignment from 'Rubbish Collection' to 'Spiritual Leader of The Supreme Holy See'. He was caught as he was boarding the plane to Italy and had his benefits assessed. What particularly irked him was that Goodtime Slim was not caught, and actually spent several months as the Patriarch of Eastern Orthodoxy in Instanbul.
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